“No surprises” is the mantra I highly recommend for any two people wanting to buy a home together. It may be your next home after outgrowing the one you’re in. It might be your first home now that you’re newly married. Maybe you’re just trying out this couple thing and are willing to share an asset. Regardless, when it comes to getting a mortgage, here are 4 things that even married couples are sometimes surprised about – when it’s almost too late.
Many couples don’t want to talk about money. The reasons run from “It will ruin the romance” to “I don’t want to rock the boat”. Love and marriage are perceived as pure, hopeful, and precious – and money is often considered dirty, callous, or controversial. Here is why this thinking is completely wrong, and how your love is already in trouble if you think this way.
“I wish I discussed finances before I got married last time.” Sound familiar?
Did you know past statistics have shown that in the U.S. approximately 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce?* Not surprisingly, a major cause of divorce in marriages is money. *
You’ve found that special someone (again) but, you’re still trying to figure out how you talk about the “M” word without ruining the romance. You know it's smart to work together, but where do you start? Building a solid foundation of communication and partnership around managing your money is crucial to lifelong intimacy, trust, and success in a marriage.
Sometimes my clients move appointments further out this time of year. When the sun is shining, barbecues are scheduled, and summer camp is around the corner, life is a flurry of activity. There is hope and warmth and fun. Money has traditionally been last on their list, falling behind TV re-reruns and cleaning out the garage.
Any reason is valid to avoid the shame, fear, or embarrassment that arises around money. We choose to live with the underlying hum of money anxiety rather than confront it in the open.
My clients are terrific. They are all unique with their own special gifts and ways of looking at the world. I learn something from each of them. And yet, the way they feel when they first come to me is so incredibly heartbreaking….and unnecessary.It takes incredible courage to admit that their financial situation isn’t where they’d like it to be, and to bear their souls about the inner most secrets of their financial lives. Just that alone is enough for me to want to wrap my arms around them and protect them from further hurt.
If you decide to initiate the divorce process, take the time to research all your finances thoroughly. Once your intent to divorce is verbalized, the emotional roller coaster begins. Hopefully it doesn’t include the hiding of assets or deceitful misrepresentation.
Even if you don’t understand what you’re looking at, finding information can be very helpful for you. Your lawyer and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst will know what to do with it all.
The list of potential financial mistakes made while divorcing can be extensive. It is an exhausting, emotional time for everyone. Every money decision is emotional to begin with, and this stress just adds to the mix. Divorce and finances can become complicated and dividing assets can be complex, which is why the finance industry CDFA © designation exists. Long ago, lawyers used to divide assets on a spreadsheet. But as finances grow in complexity, it is important to talk with your accountant on how to prepare for divorce financially and to have a CDFA do the work for you.
A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA©) is an industry designated financial expert on helping divorcing couples understand how the financial decisions they make could impact their future.
A CDFA is part of the divorce team. Think of the lawyer as the strategist – they are experts on the law and hired to represent your overall interest when it comes to child custody and financial matters. The CDFA supports the lawyer by helping you understand where you spend your money today, how it will change when you separate, and how it could further change in the future.
In order to be the best Money Coach possible to my clients, a well-rounded understanding of all milestones you might face is crucial. I’m pleased to say I’m now a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and I am going to share some of the basics to help you start on the right foot if you are wondering how to divorce.
As mentioned in my last blog, these behaviors come from Sarah Fallaw of Data Points. She created a Household Cash Job Description, which is a simple, brilliant way of defining specific money behaviors so we can stay focused on what counts. Financial literacy is part of it, but not all of it, which explains why many people in financial services don’t manage their money particularly well either. Ever heard of the man who makes $2 million a year and wants to retire by 35? He has one small challenge – he spends $3 million a year. Yep. Believe it. We all know one.
Topics: Money Behaviors